They say love and fear live next to each other. Or is it hate and love..
love cannot exist without another force.
It is nature after all of course.
Love needs fear to challenge it.
& Hate, to reckon with.
And in the end if it is true,
love reveals itself & prevails to the happy few.
… … …
I’ve been trying to articulate what it is that is going on with me, with us, with love.
Our first encounters were tense.
Fights were breaking out. Literally. And for a while I was fearful. Terrified that our energies together brought some type of unknown force to this world. This lifetime.
I have a theory that the 2 of us shifted the course of something in history. An earthquake happened the first time we faced it. Whatever it was.
The beginning: an earthquake
I woke up in the middle of the night and felt a release. The kind of release that validates all unexpected tension. For the first time in a long time I was breathing again. I no longer felt that I had to hold my breath for fear that the person next to me didn’t accept what they saw. And in all my nakedness, you seemed to take me in.
So it’s no surprise that in the beginning I was coming over and over and over again.
I looked over and saw how peaceful you were and couldn’t help but think, when you are reincarnated your final state would be a gem stone. Precious. And undiscovered. A diamond in the rough. But you’re more of an emerald.
Powerful in its rawest and purest form. The earth will need to be shaken up to see you. And there we were.
Middle ground: more than like, less than love, but if there’s nothing above it must be hate.
I battled in my mind for a while since the moment you blurted you loved me. On accident. Although I truly believe there is no such thing. Behind the drunkenness of the night, I believed that you meant it. But I was too afraid to say it back. Fear won that night.
Love/fear. Hate or..love? It seems that the odds are in our favor. Or have we broke even. And have we found the middle ground? Earth.
Maybe heaven isn’t a place but a state of mind.
And we’re put on this Earth on a mission to find our person.
Because I am certain that’s what this is..the middle.
… … …
That’s what you are– and because of who and what and where, and how.. I’ll put it simply now.
I love you.
And here we are.
My head isn’t in the clouds.
My feet are on solid ground.
I love you.
… … …
In the past I’ve forced it. Tried to control it. Every aspect, down to the way I did my hair. Wasn’t sure what it was. What Love really looked like. What they wanted with me. Because who would love me? If I couldn’t love me.
And then I learned.
To fucking love me.
Each crease and crevice, nook and cranny, I love me so much I didn’t care for outside validation.. and then I met you.
Perhaps a reflection. Confident & in control.
but then I met your soul…and I’ve never been so ready. So prepared. To take on this war that is the world with Love as my sword..
And if I’m wrong I want to fail
in the biggest way
shape and form,
Motive? Show them.
We’re capable of it.
Maybe put it up/ in front of other people to reckon with themselves.
Love is a force of a nature you can’t control it. I can’t control it. I can’t control you. And I trust whatever the fuck that means.
And .. here we are.
I accept it.
I am here.
I’ve accepted defeat.
Not tapping out